Now What?

Hello dear readers, trolls, werewolves, invisible pink unicorns, and all other imaginary creatures. As usual Mr. Mona has decided to grace the internet with his presence and we should all be in awe. Here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulo7Bg2dJcg

Today's quote of the day: "What's my motivation?!!!"- every distressed actor.

That's what I've been asking myself for about two weeks now. The question itself doesn't bother me, but the answer really has. Simply put, I have no motivation right now. I have no interest in doing much of anything. It's not because I'm simply bored, but rather the brakes have been slammed and I can't seem to start moving again. I want to feel motivated, but I find myself either in states of unhappiness or sheer apathy, and I don't like it. I want something to make me want to wake up in the morning and get out of bed. I want something to look forward to, and right now there's nothing. And by something, I mean something big. Not just hanging with the gang or something. I think it's because I need some kind of crusade to devote my energies to, and seeing that I no longer have it (Or rather I am slowly in the process of ending said crusade) I feel lost. Hence the title: Now what? What's next for me? I need some kind of jolt, and personally I think I need it really fast because I don't like this whole apathy thing. It's really not for me. I need someone or something to really start the gears turning again so I can shine up my armor and seek the grail.

In more practicle news, I lost my iPod to day, which kinda sucks. My only hope is that a train crew member recognizes its mine, because I'm on the same train every day. If not it's not the end of the world. I was thinking of getting an iTouch anyway. I am pissed about the headphones, but oh well, maybe I'll get some luck tomorrow and find my motivation...but something tells me different about that last point. Well lcomment, let me know what you think and watch Jimmy's vlog.

Until Next time: Adieu

Heart Vs Head (Or why Heart lost) and Award?! For ME??

Good Evening Ladies and Gentlemen and Happy Labor Day!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oMcRmNVlueg

Mr. Mona's vlog is above sorry it's a little late on my part. (Not that any of the 0 people reading this right now really care (Mr. Mona you're an exception)

Today's quote is: "The first step is always the hardest."

To understand any of what I am about to type you need to understand 2 vital concepts.

1) My Heart and Head are locked constantly in an epic battle to see who controls me/my actions.
2) My heart has yet to lose this battle....

Until a few days ago. And really, it's not even a loss, so much as my heart can not continue the fight for the time being. So it's time to see how good my head dictates my actions. It's going to have to be in control for at least the next two weeks, if not longer. So far it's shown some promise. Like the whole idea of not running into a brick wall seems to be working out. I actually like that one, considering I've been doing that for a long time now. (Sadly Hearts wants to keep running just in case we break through (I said it couldn't fight, not that it couldn't give ideas) And the Heart is raising a few other problems the Head simply can't solve right now. (Mainly :How we eliminate loneliness? Which no one has been able to get right.) Head is still working on rehab right now (yeah I took a few hits this week) and how to brace for the storm coming up (We have a plan). So loneliness, much like the economy, is still the giant elephant in the room. I'm sure most of the two people who may read this at a point in time understand what i'm talking about, but if you don't look at the quote: And think Move on....got it, didn't you?

In addtion I won an award (GO ME!) Apparently, The English Department in College thinks I'm really something special so they're giving me an award and a little bit of foldin' money. Kinda cool, and kinda makes me think That I can actually make it in writing. (One issue my head and heart agree on: I can't make it) So it's fun to prove them wrong. Anyway, Go check out Jimmy's vlog and tell him I said hi

Until Next time, I'll be hitting the old dusty trail

Self Deprecation.

Hello to both of the people reading this. (if more than two people are reading this then let me say, Hi to esteemed guests. As always here is a vlog from some hippy named Jimmy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5gN_JbJqCM

No Jimmy I have no idea what your dream means. Maybe prosperity in your life coming during a dark period or something. I have no clue...

Today's quote of the day: "I'd never be a part of any club that would have me as a member." Groucho Marx.

The reason I chose this one is because to me it represents self deprecation at it's finest. I mean he's saying that if the club would accept people like him it must not be a good club. I've been on a self hating rampage Which has led to me producing some of my best written work. (Note: in the unlikely event you want to read this 1) I know many good psychiatrists to fix that and 2) Comment me and tell me (Yeah i know, not happening.) I find it kinda sad that I can only write something I really like when I either A) Am writing about how inferior I am to other people, B) Writing about how all hope is lost, or C) Writing those little love poems to "My Lady" that she will never read (Note: If you haven't guessed, My Lady is out of reach for me.) nor does she really give a damn. (Why should she?)

I think the reason i hate myself so much is because...well actually I don't know. Logically, I don't Think I'm that terrible of a guy, but I feel like I am a worthless meat sack, forced to be around people who are highly better than me, and, for some reason, decide to interact with me. (Note: For those people better than me who interact with me reading this: Love you guys.)

I was once told in HS that once I got a GF I would be a lot happier. Well that was...(thinks about it) 3-4 years ago. Needless to say I still am not very happy (and still kind of lonely). Speaking of which, it's amazing to me that i can feel lonely when surrounded by people. For some reason I feel like the outsider in a lot of groups, even my own: have no clue why. I mean I try in groups to be social, but I feel awkward (I'm told this is normal but still it kinda cripples me). Oh well, I'm done ranting. Go check out The Hippy's vlog if you haven't.

Aloha Oe.

Worrying About The Future

Hello to all my readers...both those who read now (all two of you) and the five that may stumble upon this when they discover my little corner of the blogosphere. First of all My buddy has a new Vlog, go watch him. His vlog is kinda why I'm writing this one.  Here's the link to the vlog

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-gFyyQjJ9I

So Jimmy's Vlog got me thinking: Why do we worry about the future? And I think I have a rather simple answer: We want the future to be better than the present. That's why we worry about it, especially if your present sucks. And let's face it, for a lot of people, the present sucks. We want things to be better tomorrow, because we know, regardless of whether we want it to come or not, tomorrow is going to come, so the most we can do is try and optimise the chance of our future being happy. However, I do agree with Jimmy, we can't live for the future...alone. We need to plan for the future, but live for today. (In fact there's your quote of the day "Plan for the future, live for today)

For me, the future doesn't look scary, it looks terrifying. Expect more of my negative side to show now that I'll probably have a loneliness complex real soon. Oh and besides that, I'm kinda in a jam right now when it comes to my future, (Ramming my head against a brick wall I can't get away from) I have to live for the present, until tomorrow where it looks like I'll be living in the past. I know that's not wise, but hey, whatever keeps me waking up in the morning...speaking of which.

Tomorrow I'm going to school for the first day of classes (I'm a senior in college) And I'm kinda excited to see all the people there (a few more then others) and I'm looking forward to my classes. At the same time, I'm terrified because I want my last year to be the best and I want to go out with a bang, but seeing how I've heard college is what you make it out to be, and I can't make anything right, I'm even more concerned than I was. Some can see senior year as the best year, for me it's my last chance to have an impact and really change things for me for the better. Sadly I have no faith in my own abilities to do that. Maybe Dad (i/e God) is looking out for me...I just hope he doesn't play another joke like all the other times.

Until Next Time....Thank You and Good Night!!

Nerds, Dorks, and Geeks (NDG's)

Hello and welcome to the second blog post. Shout Out to my buddy Jimmy who put a link to my blog in his vlog's description. Here's the vlog about our recent trip to NYC. Go check it out!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JpL9y1SOio

This week's quote is...

Be Nice to Nerds, you'll end up working for them one day.

The only reason I'm using this quote is because I've recently began playing Magic the Gathering, which in the minds of many ranks second only to Dungeons and Dragons on the nerdy things to do on a Saturday night, list.

Uh....Why is that? Is it actually that nerdy to play a game that requires a bunch of strategy? After all most modern sports require a lot of strategy. Or is someone going to tell me that many teams' switch to a 4-3 defense in the NFL isn't strategy? So why do games like D&D and Magic get a bad rap? Is it because of the people. Aren't they all devil-worshipers who dress up in costumes and go crazy?

Sure we have people who dress up in costume to play (devil worshiping i highly doubt) We call it "acting" maybe you've seen it? It's done in "Movies" and on "Broadway" And for that manner, how many of you have seen fans at an NFL game...aren't they wearing costumes (Called Jerseys) and can't they get crazy (anyone who has been to a sporting knows what I'm talking about.)

Actually what is the difference between many MtG/RPG's and the NFL anyway. After all...
- Both require an immense amount of strategy
- Both can have players who are crazy and like to act out
- Both involve completing some goal to get experience and money (Or in the case of MtG, both involve winning a game)
- Both involve trying to destroy your enemies
- Both can compelety take over the lives of many
- Both can involve some aspect of male bonding
- (again with MtG) Both use different colors to identify select teams
- All teams have a different and distinct style of play.

I could go on, but I'll spare you. Someone answer me? Why is one thought of as "weird" and the other as "awesome" Can't both be awesome? Or are both weird.

Speaking of NDG's, Am I the only person who view intelligence as a burden rather than a asset. I mean, sure Maybe i can do well on a test without studying or maybe I can answer the final Jeopardy question right, but what good does it do in the actual world? Is knowing that Louie XVI was a locksmith in his spare time really going to get me anywhere if I'm not a historian? So everyone thinks I'm smart. How many of those people like me? How many of them envy me, or would use me? How many of them insult me behind my back. In a world dominated mostly by social interactions, where "Who you know" makes a large difference, no random fact will be able to get someone through the door.  Don't even get me started on "nice" people either. But that's for another Blog. Go check out my buddy's vlog, leave comments, and be careful out there.

Hello.

Hello, and Welcome to my Blog. This is the first time I've done anything like this so bear with me. This is the typical boring first post that tells you all about who I am, what I'm about, and why I did this. So....

WHO I AM

I am the Leonine Knight (I don't really want to give my real name) Call me L. Knight, Knight, Leo...whatever. I am a 21 year old male from NJ. I am a Leo (born 8/2) and I like knights so I figure, BING, we have a winner. I go to college, studying English and History (minor) hoping to be a writer...and since that will fail (like most things I do) I will settle on being a lawyer. I called my blog Star Gazer because my head is usually in the clouds. I'm a helpless romantic, and prone to self-deprication. But it's all in good fun.

WHAT I'M ABOUT

Depends on the day. Some days I'll be a sad little puppy dog, whimpering about loneliness, the next I'll be a shark, hunting my prey and ripping it to shreds. Most days, I'm something in between. Overall, I'm just your average guy, if a bit more emotionally draining and self loathing. But as I said above, it's all in good fun.

WHY I DID THIS

Because I promised my friend I would. He wanted motivation to make a Vlog, so I said "I'll make a blog if you make your vlog." He agreed. So here is my blog.

And here is his Vlog
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lSnHka1E_og

I'm always going to try to start of this thing with some kind of quote...today I'll end it with a quote

"His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity"

Basically That's why you should follow me and read this. I'm going to touch everything I can think of and hopefully you all enjoy reading it (all 3 of you who actually might (yes I'm predicting a low reader base)

Anyway, that's it for today. I'll post again next week. Until then, Au Revoir.